Beyond the Words, a Child's Voice

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Beyond the Words, a Child's Voice

 by: Patricia Gatto

Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not unlike the sound of constant rain. At first, the rain is obvious as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief moment, you acknowledge the intrusion. But slowly, the rhythmic sounds fade into the background, becoming nothing more than a distant drone.

We are fortunate to have the ability to block out sounds like the pouring rain; otherwise, it would be impossible for us to concentrate. But what happens when the rain is actually the voice of a child, and you are so focused on your own thoughts that you forget to hear?

Even the most dedicated parent or caregiver can fail to hear the understated nuances of a child's plea. It's impossible to play detective and uncover the meaning behind every word and every gesture. Sometimes a whine is simply a whine. But if your busy schedule has you constantly preoccupied, you may be unintentionally shutting your child out. And if you're not there for your child, who will be?

Emotional and spiritual wellbeing are just as important as physical health. Even at a young age, you can help teach your child a simple technique that provides you with a means to hear the voice beyond the words. It's a little trick I learned from my Mom, and all you need is a piece of paper and a pencil.

I grew up in a large family. With five children, my Mom was concerned that she might miss a cue, a subtle hint that would indicate when one of us was in trouble or needed to talk, so she came up with a plan when we were very young.

Mom gathered us around the kitchen table and took out a piece of paper and a pencil and she proceed to explain her concept at the most basic level.

"Sometimes Mommy is busy, but I am never, ever too busy for my children. I promise that I will always make time for you, but I need you to let me know if you are having a problem."

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Then she drew a picture and showed it to us. "If something is bothering you, draw a picture of a sad face and give it to me. Mommy will never ignore it. This is our secret code and I will be there to help you."

We were a demanding bunch, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for my Mom. Sometimes that note would arrive right in the middle of her making dinner, or while she was on the phone or when she finally sat down to watch TV. But she would always take that child with the sad-faced picture aside. Many times, she would have to coax the problem out of us by asking a series of questions, but we always felt better afterward.

As we got older, this little plan kept the doors of communication wide open. In those difficult, embarrassing moments of childhood, Mom was always true to her word. Whenever she received a note, everything would stop and the writer would receive her private and undivided attention.

Interesting though, were the far-reaching benefits of this little plan. You see, by giving us this additional means to be heard, we were taught that our concerns, problems and opinions were valid and important. We learned how to express our feelings and we knew the luxury of having someone there to listen. But we also became responsible individuals and learned valuable lessons in honesty and accountability. Our Mom showed us how to keep a promise. And as a family, we faced our problems together and head on.

Although the idea was simple, it was also powerful. This very wise, sensitive, nurturing woman empowered her young children with the right to be heard and the gift of confidence. Today I use this concept in my own family and in my work as well.

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As advocates for children's rights, my husband and I speak about the consequences of bullying. The best defense against a bully is to tell an adult, but we are well aware that this is a difficult task for some children. Even when a child is otherwise vocal, discussing harassment at the hands of a peer can be painful, embarrassing, or scary.

We take great care to explain that unless a child makes their concerns known, adults can't help. We explain that sometimes adults don't pay attention, but this doesn't mean they don't care. We encourage children not to give up and tell them to reach out to an adult by writing a note or drawing a picture.

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Someday, if a child hands you a note, we hope that even if you weren't raised with a secret family code for "please listen to me," you will stop what you are doing and focus on the voice of the child before you.

About The Author Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis are the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, the tale of a lonely boy's magical journey to friendship and self-acceptance. As advocates for literacy and children's rights, the authors speak at schools and community events to foster awareness and provide children with a safe and healthy learning environment. For more information, please visit Joyful Productions at http://www.joyfulproductions.com pgatto@ptd.net

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Getting Kids Involved In Garage/Yard Sales

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Spring is coming and now is the time to make preparations for having a yard or garage sale. And, yes this includes the kids too.

For me spring always meant upcoming garage/yards sales to go to with my mom; but more importantly, those garage/yard sales I had with my mom. From these early experiences, I learned many valuable lessons that I use to this day. These include the necessity of de-cluttering, finance, how to make change, how to price an item, how to organize and display items, and customer service. Thanks to my mom s help, I was able to engage in an entrepreneurial endeavor at the tender age of eight. I have fond memories of my many mini-business endeavors and feel that these ventures contributed to my desire and successes in owning my own business now. Here are some pointers to get your child involved in having a garage or yard sale of his or her own when you have one.

For Children 8 and above:

Gather Goods to Sell
Have your children go through their items to determine what they are ready to sell, part with, or outgrown. You as a parent have veto power, but quite often children will not even think of parting with something they still use. As a matter of fact you may have to assist them in this step since it is likely they will want to keep just about everything they own. Be ready to ask them these questions: When was the last time the item was played with or used?
1)Why do they wish to keep it?
2)What does it mean to them?
Having children answer these questions helps them to determine what items they wish to keep and those that have little value or use to them. This step teaches children the importance of letting go of stuff they won t use again and really don t value. Having children de-clutter their lives this way is a valuable skill that will serve them well throughout life and keep them from falling into the packrat trap.

Prepare Goods for Sale
Have children prepare items for sale by cleaning dirty items and boxing items into separate boxes labeled (Name) s Garage Sale Items. This way, when it is time to set up for the big garage sale day, your children will be able to find their stock easily.

Assist your child with pricing the items to sell. Go through each item one-by-one and ask your child the following questions to help them determine an acceptable price.
1)How much do you think this is worth?
2)How did you determine that price?
3)Do you think someone will pay your price for this item?
4)Should we ask ____ amount for this?
By asking your child these questions, it helps them to critically think about the value of items and their worth. By making pricing suggestions, it assists them with setting realistic prices. This step helps children learn the relative value or worth of items and gets them to think about how much the buying public would pay. Asking the question, Should we ask ____ amount for this? is a way of helping your child set a realistic price for the item.

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Preparing for the Grand Opening
Set up an individual table for each child next to where you will be collecting money from customers. This way you can monitor and assist each child with customer transactions if need be and protect them from unscrupulous buyers.

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Have children set up their displays themselves. By completing this step, with your help and suggestions, children learn how to display items in a visually pleasing way that will attract customers.

Day of the Grand Opening
Provide each child with a change apron (available at most dollar stores) and with a small amount of change such as 2 $1.00 bills, 6 quarters, 10 dimes, and 10 nickels; i.e., $5.00 in change. This way they can collect payment for their items and if necessary, make change for customers. Children are able to reinforce their counting skills and learn how to interact with customers. Most importantly, allow your children to keep the proceeds from their sale, having them put half of the profits into their savings accounts. When children are allowed to keep the proceeds from the sale of their items, they are eager participants.

For Children 7 and Below:

Younger children who also wish to participate in the garage sale can by selling sodas. Set up a small table with a cooler full of various cans of sodas and ice. Place a simple Soda for Sale sign on the front of the table. Allow your younger children to sell sodas, helping them with change counting or selling as needed. This way, they still get the experience and knowledge gained by running their own small business.

As a child I truly enjoyed having my own garage sale and making money in the process. These small business ventures taught me what went into running a small business from the selection of goods to be sold to the final transaction with the customer. These life skills teach children the basics of money and customer service: skills that are sure to come in handy throughout their lives.

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About the Author

Jona is an instructional designer, web and graphic designer, and technical and business writer. When she isn t working on client projects, she can be found updating her personal project, www.simpleandfrugal.com, a website dedicated to those seeking to simplify their lives. Jona has practiced simple living/voluntary simplicity for over 10 years and is available for speaking engagements. She can be contacted at simplefrugal@fuse.net.

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